My First Year without Summer PD-- A Reflection

It’s the first time in over 20 years that I’ve not been involved in the first days of school.  I suppose the empty desks in the photo represent an educational hero from the past.  The feeling is complex. There’s a mix of nostalgia, pride , sadness , and regret. To reflect , I reviewed several videos from over the years, and was reintroduced to team members and founders I miss dearly. Many of them are now in school or network leadership. Some have moved onto careers in other industries, after pouring years of their energy into children as the ultimate act of public service. 

My favorite videos illustrate how much we practiced. We actually transformed the gymnasium into four classrooms while keeping an area in the center clear for presentation. In each of the micro classrooms, there were 10 student desks organized in two rows of five, an easel, and a carpet. We spent a lot of time practicing the transition from desk-to-carpet, then carpet to desk .  The idea was to make practice as real as possible. To ensure the practice was effective, each area had its own coach, and I was perched on the second floor with a birds eye view, overseeing it all and filming. From there, I could also walkie or call down feedback to the coach team. Everybody practiced and repeated practice until we reached proficiency. Looking back, I now see that we may have  passively been developing resilience– which is how I learned to practice as a teacher in Rochester, NY. 

But here’s where the regret comes in, it’s what I don’t see. I don’t see any photos or videos of my own children on their first days of school. Between both daughters, there would have been 18 first days total. And I wasn’t present for any of them– not a single one. I regret it. 

Instead of being with them, I began crafting my persona as a “leader”. On Sundays, I’d go into the building and work for 8-9 hours, preparing for the week. There was always a desire to be more “hardcore” and more “all in”– especially, because I worked for mission driven organizations. 

In truth, there was a lot of ego on my part– because the ego’s job is to help build the persona.

And there was also a sense of shame– that if you didn’t show up , you didn’t care about the students. There was a brief period of time when the phrase, “So and So is not good for kids” was the ultimate insult. I heard it used by a few managers across different organizations.

“So and so was 3 minutes late to the meeting. He or she is not good for kids.” Heck,  I may have used it. 

Ouch.

The heart was in the right place, because everybody wants what’s best for students. But that kind of judgment and response was really in bad taste.  Depending on the persona we wear, we can become calloused. For me, I was definitely stuck in Warrior mode for a good portion of my career– and it is exhausting. My beard is aspirin-white and just as brittle. 

Sometimes I wonder if I was too young to  get into leadership.  I wasn’t.  What I’ve learned is that I didn’t integrate other elements of myself into leadership roles at first, because I let myself get stuck in the warrior role– essentially using it as my operating system for a few years.

Nowadays, the warrior is still there when necessary, taking a nap. It’s the roles of the coach, father and creative that are getting more airtime. 

If you’re curious about how you’re showing up, reach out for a free persona quiz by emailing james@miningandshining.com. Then Sign Up for a free consultation– we can talk about what your results mean.